Grieving Grace

Many of you know that I lost both my parents these last few months. Since my brothers and I were not able to have a service for either of them because of COVID-19 I feel that there is some “unfinished business” in regards to their passing. As you know I place much importance on ritual and for celebrating life and God’s goodness with one another.  This has been hard to do lately, but near impossible with my brothers living in “quarantine” states. 

In the meantime I do my best to carry on with life. Every once in a while I will be reminded of my parents, and will wonder how it is I can go about my business just as if they were still in this world, as if they were simply living out of state like they had for the last twenty-five years. It is surreal to consider that on a day to day basis it almost doesn’t matter whether my parents were still in Arkansas or heaven. I try not to feel guilty about that realization. In some ways I “commune” with them more now than I did over the  past couple of decades. 

It is true that people grieve in different ways, just as over the years I have learned that people die in different ways. One thing I know is that It seldom happens like it does on television and the movies, with the dying imparting their final words, then closing their eyes for the last time. Unless death is caused by some sort of trauma most people take several days to fade away. My father was agitated toward the end. My mother went quietly. If you knew them in life, that wouldn’t totally surprise you. 

I don’t mean to be morbid so much as wanting to give us all grace when it comes to both grieving and dying. There is no one way to do either. Let us be at peace on however we walk or witness the final journey.